I WRITE COPY FOR SEX*
Hello, I’m Lanie Green.
I’m pretty good with words. In a nutshell, I can create:
Technical jargon simplified quicker than you can become a rocket scientist.
Rambling paragraphs edited before you run out of breath and die.
A tone of voice that sounds like you, not a copy writer making a crank call.
Original copy created from pages of crap ‘copy and paste’ content (you know who you are).
Yawn-worthy, corporate documents transformed into bed time reading.
Web copy that clicks. (See what I did there?)
Me: Experienced (old), copy writer (frustrated, unpublished novelist), is available for all your copy writing projects (is sat waiting with a cat and a sharp-ish pencil).
So give me a call or drop me an email (basically, just reach out), to discuss your next project (give me a job before the cat does a wee on me).
*attention seeking headlines also written (*for actual money)
HERE’S SOME STUFF I DID EARLIER
Cheers!
Scotland. My favourite place in the whole world. The turbulent history, the rugged landscape and the friendly people, there’s a lot to fall in love with. Storytelling is rooted in the heritage and no one tells a yarn like a Scot. Listening to a tale that becomes more elaborate at every telling is no less enthralling than it might have been three centuries ago. Quite possibly made even more gripping with a glass of ‘uisge beatha’ or ‘water of life’, to use the Gaelic term.
Being asked to write about Scottish Whisky was an absolute pleasure. The research was an opportunity to explore the ‘spirit’ of Scotland – quite literally. The connection between whisky and heritage is undeniable and also murky at times. Distilled for over 500 years, preserved through siege and upheaval, hidden from the taxman and celebrated around the world, Scotch Whisky has endured to become a valuable commodity.
After writing advertorials for cask investment specialists, Whisky Partners, I’m a convert to the liquid gold. I’m also pretty sure it will be just as vital to Scotland for the next half millennia.
Who doesn’t love a luxury break: comfy bed, room service, dinner with glass of fruity red and a visit to the spa? So I was thrilled when Horwood House asked me to edit their website and create monthly social media content.
Obviously a visit was necessary, so I could soak up the ambiance and experience Horwood’s philosophy of ‘hospitality with a heart’. I wasn’t disappointed. What a fabulous place, full of history, an impressive manor house and 38 acres of private countryside – the copy practically writes itself!
I look forward to the brief every month, which includes regular features: Wedding Wednesdays, Foodie Fridays and Supplier Spotlights. I’ve even been invited to write the odd poem, create animated ads and design some ‘in-room’ info – quite the all round project actually.
The best bit? My visits to Horwood (and that glass of red).
The local college had a HUGE issue with the ambience of their campus, largely due to the amount of disorganised information littering the walls.
The place had gone photo copier crazy, printing out posters describing a million rules THAT MUST BE FOLLOWED! It was a clip-art bonanza: some areas had three or four versions of the same message, which was a shame because the college had spent a LOT on a rebrand.
A swift audit (and mass removal) gave me a blank canvas – literally. Their new brand included a lovely typeface, a gift that shaped the copy which practically wrote itself. Although I claim 100% credit for it.
Here are just a few examples from the 35 new signs.
Arco are enviably the UK’s largest supplier of health and safety equipment and PPE but weren’t so well known for their consultancy services. The emphasis here is on the past tense because now they are also in demand for providing IOSH accreditation and training within the safety sector.
I was initially engaged to turn their 1000 page catalogue from a minefield of technical jargon into a publication worthy of a Crystal Mark for Clarity award. It took three years of re-writing thousands of product descriptions plus workshops with buyers to complete the transformation.
Arco then asked me to visit some customers to gather some feedback and I’m thrilled to report rapturous appreciation, including from the sales staff.
It’s not easy to create great technical content: health & safety isn’t my specialist subject but my super power is assimilating information quickly, which helps when no one has time to hold your hand.
Charities have a hard time asking for cash so local youth organisation, Sheffieldr decided to appeal for equipment instead. They had plenty of people volunteering to run clubs and activities but were woefully short of kit. Media contractor, JC Decaux gifted the charity a number of poster sites around the city, all Sheffieldr had to do was produce the artwork.
The brief was a bit ‘out of the box’. No miserable kids looking needy, no happy clappy kids looking overjoyed at being saved from deprivation. In fact, no kids. No models. No locations. Just half a day in a studio, oh and no props were provided.
In particular, they were appealing for sports kit, music equipment and stuff for media or arty type activities.
I scrambled together some bits and bobs – some from the studio prop store, some from home and some from friends, soon we had the bones of a campaign.
It started with the images and the copy was written to suggest that donations might come from individuals who’s hobby had ended up in the shed. In a few hours we managed to shoot three images plus an overall campaign image, retouch, apply the copy and send to the printers. Bosh.
When new local developer, Bridge Homes needed marketing material, even before they’d dug a hole in the ground, I promised to avoid the clichés and create an alternative tone of voice.
So definitely no flowery Estate Agency stuff like:
‘Highly sought after area’ – ‘twinned with the Bronx’.
’Ripe for development’ – ‘utter shit hole’.
‘Ideal for first time buyers’ – ‘forget your dreams, this is all you can afford’.
‘Needs some cosmetic work’ – ‘no hot water, needs a new roof and you’ll learn to love the pink bathroom suite’.
‘Compact living’ – ‘closet’.
‘Reduced for a quick sale’ – ‘the neighbour just got out of prison, keeps dangerous reptiles and enjoys drum and bass’.
Right from the launch of their first development, I set the standard for writing friendly, clear and professional content for: brochures, signage, legal documents, the website and social media.
With four sites now complete and work starting on the next one, I’m still looking after their words.
COSTS
A tenner says you skipped right to this page.
I can charge a project based rate, which is dependent on the brief. Once I understand what’s involved I’ll fix the fee so there are no surprises and it will include two sets of feedback amends.
If you need more flexibility, I’m up for a day rate: £400 for editing/curating existing text, shaping it into something splendid or £450 for creating original copy from a brief.
If all you need is a short paragraph, headlines, a bit of social content or some help with a few words, I’m £70 an hour – but I work quick!
Do you owe me a tenner?
Briefs Nailed
Drop me a line or give me a call and let’s create poetry together. Alternatively, off-load that crushing burden that’s been sat on your desk all week: you know you don’t want to tackle it and Geoff from marketing isn’t exactly Shakespeare is he?